Re: There They Go, Bad-Mouthing Divorce Again

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From: Lorin Rivers (
Date: Tue Sep 12 2000 - 21:30:47 PDT

At 3:40 PM -0400 9/12/2000, Roddy Young wrote:
> > I am new to the list....and am a tech dude....
>> But, loved this thread... Am contemplating marriage... And this is
>> scaring the living crap out of me :-)
>Also new to the list and intrigued by the thread. With four years of
>marriage, and a five year "courtship", I agree that you don't necessarily
>get more out of marriage than in a relationship. As with most things - it
>depends on what kind of relationship/marriage you and your betrothed seek.

I think that you get out of anything what you put into it. And now
for more platitudes from coach...

>For sure marriage isn't easy and it certainly has more pitfalls than simple
>monogamous relationships.
>Question to those with kids (none here - none planned - yet?): Do children,
>in general, strengthen, weaken, or have no effect on the marriage bond?

I think that the only good reason to have kids is because you love
kids. There is absolutely no way to understand the impact of being a
parent, without having experienced it.

I have a six week-old son and a five year-old daughter. Luckily, they
are both flawless (excepting the unfortunate inevitability of
genetics, where they have a greater chance of being fat, bald, hairy
doofuses like their old man).

While I don't like to dwell on it, Ethan almost didn't make it. He
had a knot in his umbilical cord that we didn't discover until he was
born. Apparently a problem that frequently results in still births.
Man, that would be the most awful thing I can imagine, except I know
a worse thing -- a four year-old with a terminal illness.

I think children intensify whatever bond exists, it's a crucible.
Child birth is the most intense experience I have ever had, including
brushes with death in my own life.

>Taking it a step further, would children have a similar/dissimilar effect in
>a monogamous relationship? I say that a marriage vs. a monogamous
>relationship built on strong trust and commitment are two shades of the same
>color (pick your favorite/least favorite depending on situation).

I'm a big fan of ceremony and public commitment.

> Of course,
>when you add in the traditional/legal elements the differences between
>marriage/monogamous relationship can lead to the pitfalls others have
>I've heard it is said that life doesn't really change until you add the
>little ones. Is it for good (as in positive!), for bad, or for the status

If for the "right reasons" its all good. Reproducing is the whole
point, really...

I wish fewer people did it is all...

Gene pool needs some damn life guards!



Lorin Rivers 512.263.1233 x712 v Product Manager 512.263.1441 f REAL Software, Inc. PMB 220 3300 Bee Caves Road, Suite 650 Austin, Texas 78746 REALbasic: the visual, object-oriented BASIC development environment for the Macintosh

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