Re: On to kids....

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Date: Tue Sep 12 2000 - 19:53:35 PDT

That's just the thing, Jeff. The part when they start communicating with
you (8 months old for mine) is when the stuff before that starts going
away; it's been made up for the first time she says a cuss word exactly
the way you say it. I've heard a lot of people say the same thing: "I'll
adopt an older child to skip all that early shit." But the bonding
happens during those early times. This human is completely dependant on
you. And if you want to follow Neitzche about the 'everyone is selfish'
thing (which I totally agree with, BTW), then the "host" (laughing about a
friend's shrit which defines a fetus as a parasite) is selfishly hoping
that all of this will end soon and she can get some sleep, bottom line.
But underlying that, the parent does see herself in the child, in every
move, every sound, every burp, and hopes that the child will do a little
better, and knows that this relationship is one that won't go away...till
death do us part... Scary? Hell, yeah, be scared, cause lemme tell you
something: your child WILL be smarter than you are. She will push buttons
you never knew you had, trick you at your most vulnerable moments, and
make you want to buy yourself (OR HER) an island. That shit about parents
giving their kids guilt trips is bullshit. It's the other way around.
But, damn, there's no reward like seeing your child do well and feel good
about herself and her world. But, just like you had to, she has to
struggle and rebel and raise hell to find her place and do the work she
has ahead of her. The thing that's the hardest for parents to realize is
that their kids, every step of the way, are trying to make their parents
proud. I can't get it through my head until I think about the motives for
many things I've done, which were to make my parents proud. So, it's back
to pride, and back to love, but the bitching about diapers goes away as
soon as the diapers do. It's really a symbiotic relationship; the
currency is just not as defined as you'd like it to be. But you'll get
yours. (:


 "A civilized society is one which tolerates eccentricity to the point of doubtful sanity."
          -- Robert Frost

On Tue, 12 Sep 2000, Jeff Bone wrote:

> wrote:
> > Heyyyyyyyyyy, my teenager bathes herself! (:
> Okay, I guess some clarity is in order. The part that *really* terrifies me (and my other
> single friends sitting in their thirties, looking around at our used-to-be-homies who are new
> parents, who I've had this conversation with) is this:
> Ages 0-x, where x is never less than 5.
> Diapers. Late night feeding. Being vomited on. Toys everywhere. Babyproofing your house.
> Station wagons. Play pens. Bed wetting. Irrational crying. "I WANT THAT NOW!!!" Earaches.
> Allergy shots. Boo-hoo boobums from tricycle accidents. All those damned awful crayon
> drawings. Crayon on the wall. Etc. etc. etc.
> If I can have a *conversation* with the kid, okay, I can deal.
> Again, give me the tech to "decant" them ready-to-go at some age > 5, preferably => 7, ideally
> let's say 8 or greater.
> That early stuff just looks like a total losing proposition.
> And they should all come with a nanny, a surrogate parent type who can take over for you for
> brief periods of time, at any point until the kids move out of the house.
> jb

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