No, wait. That's not what I meant!

I'm not a real doofus, but I play one at a national laboratory. (
Fri, 21 Feb 1997 10:37:42 -0600

From: glen mccready <>

Some ads that may not say exactly what the person had in mind:

Illiterate? Write today for free help.

Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you'll
never go anywhere again.

Our experienced Mom will care for your child. Fenced yard, meals, and
smacks included.

Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.

Stock up and save. Limit: one per customer.

Semi-Annual after-Christmas Sale.

Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for
efficient beating.

Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting-off-head illusion. Blue Cross
and salary.

Dinner Special -- Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00

For sale: antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large

Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to
take home, too.

We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by

Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it.

Vacation Special: have your home exterminated. Get rid of aunts. Zap
does the job in 24 hours.

Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated. Come here first.

Christmas tag-sale. Handmade gifts for the hard-to-find person.

Wanted: Hair cutter. Excellent growth potential.

Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.

Our bikinis are exciting. They are simply the tops.

Wanted. Widower with school age children requires person to assume
general housekeeping duties. Must be capable of contributing to growth
of family.

And now, the Superstore -- unequaled in size, unmatched in variety,
unrivaled inconvenience.

We will oil your sewing machine and adjust tension in your home for


P.S. Of course, some ads are intentionally goofy. Downtown Radiator in
Houston, many years ago anyway, had bumper stickers that read, "Best place
to take a leak".