Despite the fact that we are overworked, underpaid and harbour
debilitating drug and alcohol problems we've decided to launch
a sister Internet publication in order to `waste more time,
and taste even more horse-shit.' The free zine will be called
`SPAMMER' and aims to appeal primarily to gays with an
addiction to nose-candy and lime marmalade. Managing
Editor Stewart Static explained: "It will be a low
quality, non-picture zine with awful writers and the same
tired outlook on the scene, but this time we want to be even
more shallow and less honest than ever before." He continued:
"SPAMMER is a Net word which reflects the activities of many
contributers here. We are targeting the kind of queer who is
confident with their sexuality, with a small cock and confused
about everything else in their life."
Tony Blase (with an acute) has been given responsibility for
the new title and at 63 is the youngest ever editor of an
Internet publication with such a vile outlook on the world.
Cafe (with an acute) said, "I'm very depressed and exhausted
at the thought of trotting out another wretched publication.
However, I look forward to producing some really superficial
drivel, interviewing the same tired old bastards, and laughing
at the stupid people who'll lap it up like pigs in a lard bath
and pay through the nose for freely available images!"
People have asked us: `Why bother producing another gay
publication on the Net, when they're are already so many shit
ones available now?'
Well why not? In the future we look forward to having at least
120 weekly updated pages, all bland, totally non-functional and
will only cost you four dollars per minute.
Marsha Mischief will be the Advertising Manager for `SPAMMER'
and commented, "It will probably give me a nervous breakdown
because in order to keep the advertisers happy I have to go out
every night of the week, sleep with disgruntled promoters,
AND attend to the whims of a very demanding pet goat."
"Thankfully we have signed up all the usual spammers and we
will have regular posts from such illustrious spammers as:
HARDWOOD SOFTWARE INC
NETDUDE
BADPUPPY
SLUTBOYS
Rest assured all posts from our advertisers will appear in ALL
newsgroups - regardless of - well anything. Also you may safely
order CD's and videos from the above as they must be bona-fide
companies since they can afford to advertise on these nessgroups!
The premier issue of `SPAMMER' will be spammed (secretly on the
Net) on 1st August and free with every issue will be a voucher
for a gram of cocaine and a gold plated `SPAMMER' brooch. You
may claim same simply by dialling our special number in Venezuela.
Calls will cost no more than 20 pounds per snort!
This promotion will only be available to members of this Newsgroup
and this message has not been posted elsewhere!
THIS IS A GENUINE OFFER and limited to the first 100,000
(sorry 100) registered readers.
This may seem awfully generous but Stewart Static (Editor) pointed
out that, " with so much rubbish riddling the InterNet and cluttering
this newsgroup..., we need to attract people to our publication by
whatever means necessary. In this chilly climate, a high profile and
a warm cardigan is an absolute must. Some people might see
complimentary jewellery and Class A drugs as bribery... I see it as a
way of giving something back to the community that has made us into the
bitter monsters that we are today."
The first issue is expected to be very popular and we are hoping for
violence, and possibly murder in the scramble for access to `SPAMMER'.
Our service provider has already disowned us - and we are banned from
Compuserve (so we must be good!). We are sorry to say that we will be
operating a policy of one access per customer (unless you have an SUN
Station, Cray or a large cash gift).
"SPAMMER" will be only be available on the Internet. Rest assured we
have loads of disclaimers on our index page which will ensure that all
underage readers will read your pages!
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---= -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Being a smartass beats being a dumb ass... you should try it sometime. -=-=-=-=-=-=-= -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- tbyars@earthlink.net