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/ | July 24, 1996 | \
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[ This list copyright 1996 by Chris White and Ziff-Davis ]
[ *To forward or repost, you must include this section.* ]
[ The Top Five List top5@walrus.com www.topfive.com ]
The Top 5 Reasons Dogs Don't Use Computers
20> Can't stick their heads out of Windows '95.
19> Fetch command not available on all platforms.
18> Hard to read the monitor with your head cocked to one side.
17> Too difficult to "mark" every website they visit.
16> Can't help attacking the screen when they hear "You've
Got Mail."
15> Fire hydrant icon simply frustrating.
14> Involuntary tail wagging is dead giveaway they're browsing
www.pethouse.com instead of working.
13> Keep bruising noses trying to catch that MPEG frisbee.
12> Not at all fooled by Chuckwagon Screen Saver.
11> Still trying to come up with an "emoticon" that signifies
tail-wagging.
10> Oh, but they WILL... with the introduction of the
Microsoft Opposable Thumb.
9> Three words: Carpal Paw Syndrome
8> 'Cause dogs ain't GEEKS! Now, cats, on the other hand...
7> Barking in next cube keeps activating YOUR voice
recognition software.
6> SmellU-SmellMe still in beta test.
5> SIT and STAY were hard enough, GREP and AWK are out
of the question!
4> Saliva-coated mouse gets mighty difficult to manuever.
3> Annoyed by lack of newsgroup, alt.pictures.master's.leg.
2> Butt-sniffing more direct and less deceiving than
online chat rooms.
and the Number 1 Reason Dogs Don't Use Computers...
1> TrO{gO DsA[M,bN HyAqR4tDc TgrOo TgYPmE WeIjTyH P;AzWqS,. *
Today's Top Five List contributors are:
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John Hering, Alexandria, VA -- 1 (5th #1) (Hall of Famer)
Sterling Smith, Houston, TX -- 1 (3rd #1)
Bruce Ansley, Baltimore, MD -- 2, 14 (Hall of Famer)
Lloyd Jacobson, Washington, DC -- 3, 11
Rob Winchell, Arlington, MA -- 4, 12
Lisa Stepaniak, Dearborn, MI -- 5, 20 (Rookies!)
Lee Oeth, San Diego, CA -- 6, 20
Matt Diamond, Holland, PA -- 6, 17
Doug Johnson, Santa Cruz, CA -- 7, 9
Marc Cukier, Toronto, Canada -- 8
Vickie Neilson, Carlsbad, CA -- 9
Boyd Johnson, San Diego, CA -- 9
Kermit Woodall, Richmond, VA -- 9
David Hyatt, New York, NY -- 10
Jim Louderback, New York, NY -- 11 (Hall of Famer)
Paul Lara, Temple, TX -- 13
Tony Hill, Minneapolis, MN -- 15 (Hall of Famer)
Jennifer Hart, Arlington, VA -- 16
Steve Hurd, San Ramon, CA -- 17
Ed Brooksbank, Sacramento, CA -- 17
Randy Wohl, Ma'ale Adumim, Israel -- 17, 18
Chris McKenna, Malibu, CA -- 17
Greg Pettit, Houston, TX -- 17, 20
Dennis Koho, Keizer, OR -- 19
Chris White, New York, NY -- List owner/editor
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Selected from 140 submissions by 47 contributors.
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Maybe It Just Might Be True!
Elvis is still alive, and is living in Vegas
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(Thanks to Agnes Tomorrow)
(Send items to top5@walrus.com with "MAYBE" in the subject.)
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* 1> Too Damn Hard To Type With Paws.