Date: Tue, 9 Jul 96 11:43:13 EDT
From: John Francini <francini@bedford.progress.com>
Engineer Humor - Steve Tagariello
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The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
The graduate with a Liberal Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"
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Engineers think that equations approximate the real world.
Scientists think that the real world approximates equations.
Mathematicians are unable to make the connection...
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A Mathematician, a Biologist and a Physicist are sitting in a street cafe
watching people going in and coming out of the house on the other side of
the street. First they see two people going into the house. Time passes.
After a while they notice three persons coming out of the house.
The Physicist: "The measurement wasn't accurate.".
The Biologists conclusion: "They have reproduced".
The Mathematician: "If now exactly 1 person enters the house then it will
be empty again."
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Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible
designers of the human body. One said, ``It was a mechanical engineer. Just
look at all the joints.'' Another said, ``No, it was an electrical
engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical
connections.'' The last said, ``Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else
would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?''
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An engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician are shown a pasture with a
herd of sheep, and told to put them inside the smallest possible amount of
fence. The engineer is first. He herds the sheep into a circle and then
puts the fence around them, declaring, "A circle will use the least fence
for a given area, so this is the best solution." The physicist is next. She
creates a circular fence of infinite radius around the sheep, and then
draws the fence tight around the herd, declaring, "This will give the
smallest circular fence around the herd." The mathematician is last. After
giving the problem a little thought, he puts a small fence around himself
and then declares, "I define myself to be on the outside!"
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In some foreign country a priest, a lawyer and an engineer are about to be
guillotined. The priest puts his head on the block, they pull the rope and
nothing happens -- he declares that he's been saved by divine intervention
-- so he's let go. The lawyer is put on the block, and again the rope
doesn't release the blade, he claims he can't be executed twice for the
same crime, and he is set free too. They grab the engineer and shove his
head into the guillotine, he looks up at the release mechanism and says,
"Wait a minute, I see your problem......"
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An engineer, a mathematician, and a physicist went to the races one
Saturday and laid their money down. Commiserating in the bar after the
race, the engineer says, "I don't understand why I lost all my money. I
measured all the horses and calculated their strength and mechanical
advantage and figured out how fast they could run..." The physicist
interrupted him: "...but you didn't take individual variations into
account. I did a statistical analysis of their previous performances and
bet on the horses with the highest probability of winning..."
"...So if you're so hot why are you broke?" asked the engineer. But before
the argument can grow, the mathematician takes out his pipe and they get a
glimpse of his well-fattened wallet. Obviously here was a man who knows
something about horses. They both demanded to know his secret.
"Well," he says, between puffs on the pipe, "first I assumed all the horses
were identical and spherical..."
- Barry
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-- Roger H. Goun | "I feel your pain, or whatever." PC Networking Engineering, SunSoft, Inc. | Chelmsford, Massachusetts, USA | -- Bob Dole PGP Key ID: 1024/493C3151 |Date: Tue, 9 Jul 96 09:40:13 EDT From: "Barbara b. 09-Jul-1996 0938 -0500" <bazemore@ranger.ENET.dec.com
From: SEND::GUMBEL "Dick Gumbel 09-Jul-1996 0903 -0400" 9-JUL-1996 09:03:54.76
From: US2RMC::"Roger.Goun@East.Sun.COM" "Roger H. Goun" 8-JUL-1996 19:11:36.33
Date: Mon, 08 Jul 1996 16:35:20 -0400 From: Barry Tannenbaum <barry@dddv.com