What would you do if you were in a canoe, you in back, girl in front,
and the canoe wasn't going straight?
I wasn't sure what she was looking for, so I decided to "pull a Cyrano"
and give all the answers. It turned out quite well.
Of course, I doubt it'll actually lead to anything. My response rate is
about one in ten, which I primarily attribute to ethnic factors.
To: anon.ElizaBennett@match.com
Subject: Austen-tatious greetings
Q: What would you do if you were in a canoe, you in back, girl in front,
and the canoe wasn't going straight?
- Technical answer
Back water on the opposing side generating a counterbalancing torque
thereby aligning the canoe with the desired direction of motion
- Sexy answer
Go to the front of the canoe
- Romantic answer
Turn my paddle into a drum/guitar and seranade you
- Macho answer
Dive overboard, swim to shore, grab an outboard motor, and tow it back
to the canoe
- Spiritual answer
Pray for a better current!
- Heroic answer
Hurl myself off the boat, thereby nudging it back on course and saving
you from missing the channel and being dashed to pieces on the rocks.
- Safety-conscious answer
Radio the coast-guard!
- Nerdly answer
Read the owner's manual
- Shakespearean answer
Forsooth, our boat hath gone askew
Myself in back, in front are you
How may I straight our crooked path?
I'll fight th' sea with wooden' lath!
The waves shall break against my oar
And we'll hie on, forevermore!