RE: Welcome to the End of Company Profits By Michael Lewis

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From: Tim Byars (
Date: Sun Mar 12 2000 - 19:00:36 PST

>Welcome to the End of Company Profits
>By Michael Lewis
>(Michael Lewis, the author of ``Liar's Poker'' and ``The New New Thing,'' is
>a columnist for Bloomberg News. His opinions don't necessarily represent
>those of Bloomberg News.)
>New York, March 10 (Bloomberg) --

SAN FRANCISCO (CBS.MW) -- I've learned exclusively that Procter and Gamble,
whose stock took a big hit this week, is about to become an Internet
company. P&G, company sources say, will spin off a new division next week
-- one, I suspect, clearly aimed at confusing investors increasingly
fixated on high-tech issues.
The new P&G division is to be called: Crisco Systems.
And P&G's SEC filings on the new issue are just as misleading as its name.
I've obtained information exclusively that proves P&G, desperate to get
away from its "old-economy" image and move into the Nasdaq generation, will
try anything to hype this stock. Witness these SEC filing descriptions
about Crisco Systems (stock symbol CRSCO):
-- "We will grease the skids for the Internet generation."
-- "Crisco Systems will facilitate end-to-end fried-food-product applications."
-- "Our patented 'grouters' may also be used by our technology customer
base to fix leaks in their bathroom tile."
-- "Crisco will provide infrastructure and end-to-end platform bases for
domestic food technologies."
-- "Our products will deliver food-chain management resources and promote
on-time delivery of pastry product."
-- "Crisco Systems' products will facilitate and control movement of
meat-product resources from appliances to end-user platform, sometimes
called 'the table.'"
-- "Crisco products will be 'shortening' the time it takes customers to
find optimum solutions in reducing domestic-food inventories."
-- "Crisco Systems will also provide an attractive investment for portfolio
managers looking to boost their holdings in oil stocks."

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