The Goldberg File, updated 2/11/99
http://www.nationalreview.com/
by Jonah Goldberg, NR Contributing Editor
SEX, DRUGS, AND TELETUBBIES
News broke yesterday that Jerry Falwell believes that the
kiddy-show Teletubbies contains not-so-hidden messages promoting the
gay
lifestyle. In his Liberty Journal he advised parents that Tinky Winky
wears a "gay-pride" triangle on his head, has a boy's voice but
carries
a girl's purse, and is purple--the gay-pride color (and the Roman
imperial color too, but that's a quibble). Because I don't have any
kids
(the state can pin on me) and I don't smoke pot, I'm not a Teletubbies
fan. But I have seen the show more than a few times--it's not like if
there's nothing else on I'm gonna just turn the TV off.
So is Falwell right? Will letting your drooling rugrat watch
Teletubbies make him gay as a French horn? Doubtful. But, it might
make
him into a total freak -- straight sure -- but still, a total freak.
My
understanding is that in America, the biggest audience for Teletubbies
is moms playing with their kids. The second biggest audience is
pot-heads taking Rastafarian communion while knee deep in 7-11
microwavable burrito wrappers. It's no surprise that people who like
to
spark up watch this stuff since you'd have to be high as a moon bat to
write it. Teletubbies is weird. It freaks me out man, totally. Without
a
kid or the THC tour guide to walk you through it, this stuff will mess
you up dude, bad. There is no secret I wouldn't reveal, no plans to a
missile base I wouldn't give up, if I were forced to watch this show
for
more than eight hours straight. Strap me down, flip it on, and by
dinner
time you'd have the identity of every member of the vast right-wing
conspiracy. Big, globby, weird things screaming the phone book
backwards
in baby talk and then giggling. Winking suns and, and, tubby toast . .