19> Prayer books contain nothing but show tunes.
18> In church, they pass a "specimen plate."
17> Their main prophet is scamming on your girlfriend.
16> You must kneel and pray five times a day facing
Redmond, Washington.
15> Parents finally inform you that whether or not Jesus
sees his shadow outside of cave on Easter has NOTHING
to do with arrival of spring in six weeks.
14> The *only* food that you're allowed to eat is pork.
13> "The first reading is from the Book of Newt..."
12> Your position in the afterlife depends on how many
cleaning products you sell here on earth.
11> Larry King's birthday is the High Holy Day for the year.
10> Sacrificing a goat wasn't so bad, but working the tech
support line really sucks.
9> Your new messiah claims to have fed the multitudes with
a bucket of chicken, some fries, and a Big Gulp.
8> Even though they taste heavenly, you're pretty sure
Malomars are not a sacrament.
7> All the commandments begin, "You might be a sinner if..."
6> Commandment #3: "Thou shalt not Bogart thy neighbor's bud."
5> That special announcement saying that your leader, the
God Who Walks Among Men, finally got his G.E.D.
4> "Sinner of the Week" eligible for valuable prizes.
3> Constant fear that the elders will discover the laptop
you've got squirreled away in the buggy shed.
2> Frequency of circumcision increased from once in a
lifetime to once a year.
and the Number 1 Sign You're in the Wrong Religion...
1> Communion performed with tortilla chips and a
shot of Cuervo.
[ This list copyright 1996 by Chris White and Ziff-Davis ]
[ *To forward or repost, you must include this section.* ]
[ The Top Five List top5@walrus.com www.topfive.com ]
Today's Top Five List contributors are:
------------------------------------------------------------
Gail Celio, E. Lansing, MI -- 1, 13 (2nd #1)
Yoram Puius, Bronx, NY -- 2
Caroline Gennity, Virginia Beach, VA -- 3
David G. Scott, Kansas City, MO -- 4
David W. James, Los Angeles, CA -- 5
Rob Winchell, Arlington, MA -- 6, 11
Greg Pettit, Houston, TX -- 7, 10, 17
Lee Oeth, San Diego, CA -- 8
Jeffrey House, Detroit, MI -- 9
George Olson, Colorado Springs, CO -- 12
Eric Huret, Atlanta, GA -- 14
David E. Spiro, Tucson, AZ -- 15
Lev L. Spiro, Los Angeles, CA -- 15
Don Horton, Sacramento, CA -- 16
Chuck Smith, Woodbridge, VA -- 18
Cathie Walker, Victoria, BC, Cananda -- 19
Chris White, New York, NY -- List owner, editor
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Selected from 132 submissions by 47 contributors.
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