[FoRK] Poll: I would rather my daughter married a Muslim than
Stephen D. Williams
<sdw at lig.net> on
Fri Jun 22 09:39:35 PDT 2007
Lion Kimbro wrote:
> How bizarre, to read what's written here, and
> then to remember our conversation on the phone;
I can't respond in detail until much later, but A) I'd written most of
that before we talked and B) I believe it all holds true but each
discussion point has to be categorized into the hard vs. soft vs. random
experience reasoning categories.
> I could have sworn, in just about every single point,
> we were either:
> A) In complete agreement,
> B) Mostly in agreement,
> C) In some doubt of each others position,
> but seeing how the other line could be argued.
> When I read what is written here in your response,
> though, it feels like we are at opposite ends of some
> I don't think you're being dishonest either here or
> on the phone. Nor do I think I misread the situation-
> I think we're actually in A, B, or C.
> But I do think that it's interesting that email exchanges
> capture questions/challenges without answers, and how
> the series of frozen moments -- the unanswered question,
> the unanswered question -- automatically polarizes things,
> and makes things automatically seem more confrontational
> than actually are.
> I think --
> When we're on the phone, and we disagree with something,
> we'll often say, "Well, wait-- what do you mean by X?" ...and
> the other person, detecting that X might be interpreted
> as Y, which both parties object to, and then rephrase (to X2)
> without further prompting.
> Whereas online, we can't easily do that, (economy of
> interactions and all,) so what we do is, we often assume that
> they meant Y, and then just set up an explanation about why
> Y is all wrong, and how we might be able to support X2, and
> so on, and so forth, and so-- it may just be intrinsic to the
> form, to end in what appears to be conflict.
> Even if there's none, or just merely hardly any.
> Not to say that there isn't ever really any serious disagreement.
> Just noting the vast gulf in appearance, between our conversation
> by phone, and what I see here in our email exchange.
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