Puns 1-10 come from The Foundation. To become a foundation member and
receive 12 issues of the "Pundit", send $24. to the International Save
the Pun Foundation, Box 5040, Station A, Toronto, Ontario M5W 1N4.
Puns 11-20 come from The MsgList.
1. All but lost in the holiday rush was the story of an art dealer who was
transporting some valuable paintings to customers when his truck shot
off a bridge and fell into a river. Questioned later by the police, the
dealer observed, "I hated Toulouse-Lautrec, but that's the way the Van
2. Many people assume that Earl Grey tea got its name by being a favorite
of that English earl. In truth, the name originated in a small town in
Wales named Earl Grey, where the citizens were getting concerned about
the ability of their mayor to continue in office. She was first elected
in 1972, and she had run unopposed in every election since. When her age
began to hinder her from getting about, her constituents observed, "The
Earl Grey mayor, she ain't what she used to be."
3. After a Southern man moved from Atlanta to a New Jersey suburb, a
fellow passenger on a train asked how he liked it in the country. "It
was difficult at first," the man replied, "but it's a lot better since I
got myself a paramour." The passenger was astonished. "A paramour?" he
said. "Does your wife know?" "Sure," said the Southerner. "She doesn't
care how I cut the grass."
4. When a young woman driving along the highway attempted to light a
cigarette, her sleeve caught fire. She was able to stop the car and get
out, but in her panic she just stood there flailing her arm helplessly.
A state patrol officer saw her, stopped and gave her a ticket. "What's
this for?" the injured woman cried as she blew out the flames.
"Brandishing a firearm," the officer explained.
5. A herring that for many years swam along with a friendly whale
appeared one day without its companion. Asked where the whale was, the
herring replied: "How would I know? Am I my blubber's kipper?"
6. Two men who had been shipwrecked for weeks were now starving. One
finally said, "Let's go over to the bacon tree and get some bacon." The
first man, wincing, strode off toward the tree to prove his friend
wrong. But he soon came running back, his body covered with arrows. "You
were right," he panted. "That was a ham bush."
7. A woman in London was walking in the park with her house guest, a
member of a Roman Catholic religious order, when one of the city's many
pigeons dropped its calling card on the visitor while flying overhead.
"Oh, I'm sorry!" the embarrassed Londoner said to her guest. "Not to
worry," the good-humored sister replied as she dabbed with her
handkerchief at the dropping on her habit. "It's quite obvious that that
pigeon was on a nun-stop flight."
8. There once was a man who came to the United States smuggled ashore in
a basket of soiled linen, from which he escaped only after the linen had
been washed. This, of course, made him the first laundered immigrant.
9. A man who joined an orchestra on a cruise ship was having difficulty
keeping time with the band. Finally the captain said: "Either you learn
to keep time or I'll throw you overboard. It's up to you: Sync or swim!"
10. A manufacturer of factory whistles wanted to sell his product to
quarries that had no adequate way of advising workers to start or stop
work. But when the manufacturer test-marketed some tooting whistles at
the quarry, the shrill sound caused a great rock slide. It then tested
the whistle at other quarries, but got the same results, thus proving
that there are toot sides to every quarry.
11. Evolution: life's a niche, and then you die.
12. There is no time like the pleasant.
13. Absence makes the heart go wander.
14. He's a wolf in cheap clothing.
15. I am C sick and sh shocked.
16. Lumberjacks make good musicians because of their natural logarithms.
17. Last year I submitted 10 puns to their competition. I thought for
sure at least one would win, but no pun in ten did.
18. Graduate life -- it's not just a job, it's an indenture.
19. These are about as funny as two-thirds of a PUN. P.U.
20. I now qualify for the FoRK witless protection program.
-- What did Dan Quayle get on his IQ test? Drool.