From: Joseph S. Barrera III (email@example.com)
Date: Fri Oct 06 2000 - 07:44:39 PDT
> Dear Forkie,
> My dog, a 1 1/2 year old boxer/pitt brindle, seems to have
> forgotten that he is toilet trained. When I go out for
> longer than an hour or so there is always a puddle to greet
> me on my return. Getting mad just makes the problem worse, and
> giving him the silent treatment used to work but doesn't any
> more. Any suggestions from your readers?
> Used Up All the Paper Towels In Decatur
Dear Used Up,
I recommend soaking your dog in concentrated perchloric acid.
Alternatively, a 1:1 mix of 80% hydrogen peroxide and 98% sulfuric
acid. Lacking that, try some liquid ozone. (You do have some liquid
ozone in the house, don't you?) In a pinch, assymetric
dimethylhydrazine and N2O5 should do.
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