Because of the context required to compare Rohit @ mid-July 1998 vs
Rohit a few years ago, I'd dare say there are but a handful of FoRKers
who understand that Rohit the person is currently walking a very
dangerous tightline in battling his personal demons. The recent surge
of VOIDposts point to a very complex pattern -- almost Baudrillardian in
nature -- in which the patient cannot be helped until he takes his
illness to full fruition; that is, until he goes over the edge. That in
the cases of such illness, there is no such thing as far as the
establishment is concerned with respect to preventative medicine.
Once he's gone over the edge, they say, then we can bring him back.
But why let it get that far?
It's like the situation in Joseph Heller's _Catch 22_ where all the guy
has to do to get a discharge from the army is be considered crazy by the
physician. But to be considered crazy, you have to tell the doctor you
are crazy, and you tell the doctor you are crazy, then you cannot
possibly be crazy because you're sane enough to judge the line dividing
sanity from insanity. So there's no way to get the discharge from the
army, even though the very thing that is making everyone crazy in the
first place is BEING IN THE ARMY. [Preview: early buzz on Spielberg's
"Saving Private Ryan" is that it is incredibly violent, incredibly real,
and incredibly moving. We'll have to see in six days...]
This appears to be yet another of those "I saw the best minds of my
generation destroyed by madness, starving, hysterical" scenarios.
We all have our theories on how to help him, some internal and some
external, and none have the unrealistic characteristic of needing to
turn back time thank goodness. But the more I think about it, the more
I've decided this is far more complex a situation than any intervention
could possibly help. [Also, how's this for postmodern existential
virtual intervention: POSTING what I'm thinking about the subject in
real-time stream of conscious as it's occurring to me, knowing full well
that even if Rohit doesn't read it this first time he potentially could
as it's delivered to his inbox, that it will be available for him to
stumble upon someday doing a Hotbot query on something else...]
Sounds like an equal but opposite problem Coolio's protagonist in
"Gangsta's Paradise" faced of struggling against one's inner demons
in the context of an environment more than willing to keep him locked in.
In fact, looking at
http://www.lyrics.ch/query/get?s=18480
it's amazing how little we have to change the lyrics to make them
appropriate. [The truly interested can see below.] It is precisely
BECAUSE Rohit lives in his "paradise" that he's walking on a thin line.
It is precisely what makes him happiest -- being the bottleneck on more
things than any single human being could possibly handle -- that also
causes him the greatest misery.
This is a case where I clearly have no idea of how to help him. Perhaps
this is one of those cases where there are no absolute answers -- that
journeys like this one are custom to the individuals, and all the rest
of us can do is be supportive...
Is this really a case of "23 and life to go"? Is it really better to
fade away than to burn out? Is it better to give up one's weapons so
that one may live, when all one's life one has been training to be a
soldier? Is it better to remove the highs and the lows of life and just
ride the middle? Is it better to give up ambition to lead a normal
life?
I don't know. Rohit, I can't call you for a few hours and you know why.
Also, I still have made no headway on our abstract, but this is my
problem, let me do it. I will call you this evening. Until then, let
me leave you with this little tune, a mystery wrapped in a puzzle
dressed as an allegory dunked in an enigma smothered in secret sauce.
-- Adam
"FoRKa's Paradise"
(off lyrics from "Gangsta's Paradise" by COOLIO featuring L.V.)
As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death
I take a look at my life and realise there's nuthin' left
'Cuz I've been infosoaking so long, that
Even my FoRKposts say that my mind is gone
http://xent.ics.uci.edu/FoRK-archive/jun98/0147.html
But I ain't never crossed a bit that didn't deserve it
Me considered uninformed, you know that's unheard of
You better watch how you're talking, and where you're walking
Or YOU AND YOUR VISIONS might be lined in chalk
I really hate to trip but i gotta loc
As I grow I see myself in my own vision's smoke, fool
I'm the kinda chief the other indies wanna be like
On my knees in the night, saying prayers in the Sid's light.
Been spending most their lives, living in the FoRKa's paradise
Been spending most their lives, living in the FoRKa's paradise
Keep spending most our lives, living in the FoRKa's paradise
Keep spending most our lives, living in the FoRKa's paradise
The writing situation, they got me facin'
I can't live a normal life, I was raised by the clues
So I gotta be down with the FoRK team
Too much television watching got me chasing dreams
I'm an educated fool with munchkins on my mind
Got keyboard in my hands and a gleam in my eye
I'm a loc'd out gangsta set trippin' FoRKa
And my homies is down so don't arouse my anger, fool
Death ain't nothing but a heartbeat away,
I'm living life, do or die, what can I say
I'M 23 NOW, BUT WILL I LIVE TO SEE 24
THE WAY THINGS ARE GOING I DON'T KNOW
Tell me why are we, so blind to see
That the ones we hurt, are you and me
Been spending most their lives, living in the FoRKa's paradise
Been spending most their lives, living in the FoRKa's paradise
Spending most our lives, living in the FoRKa's paradise
Spending most our lives, living in the FoRKa's paradise
Power and the vision, vision and the power
Minute after minute, hour after hour
Everybody's running, but half of them ain't looking
What's going on in the kitchen, but I don't know what's cookin'
They say I gotta learn, but nobody's here to teach me...
If they can't understand it, how can they reach me?
I guess they can't, I guess they won't,
I guess they front, that's why I know my life is out of luck, fool
Been spending most their lives, living in the FoRKa's paradise
Been spending most their lives, living in the FoRKa's paradise
Spending most our lives, living in the FoRKa's paradise
Spending most our lives, living in the FoRKa's paradise
Tell me why are we, so blind to see
That the ones we hurt, are you and me
Tell me why are we, so blind to see
That the ones we hurt, are you and me
(fade out)
----
adam@cs.caltech.edu
Could I have been anyone other than me?
Twenty three, I'm so tired of life.
Such a shame to throw it all away.
The images grow darker still.
Could I have been anyone other than me?
Then I look up at the sky.
My mouth is open wide, lick and taste.
What's the use in worrying,
What's the use in hurrying?
Turn, turn we almost become dizzy.
I am who I am. Who I am. Well, who am I?
Requesting some enlightenment.
Could I have been anyone other than me?
-- Dave Matthews Band, "Dancing Nancies" off _Under the Table and Dreaming_