FW: The mini-Annals of Improbable Research ("mini-AIR")

Dan Kohn (dan@teledesic.com)
Sun, 8 Sep 1996 13:24:58 -0700


[* This was an enjoyable read. - dan *]

>----------
>From: Phil Agre[SMTP:pagre@weber.ucsd.edu]
>Sent: Saturday, September 07, 1996 9:46 AM
>To: rre@weber.ucsd.edu
>Subject: The mini-Annals of Improbable Research ("mini-AIR")
>
>[Computer people tend to assume that they're the biggest nerds around.
>In fact, computer geeks are patzers -- suburbanites! -- next to
>physicists.
>Proof enclosed. An RRE reader passed this along because of the
>relevance
>of Project Whacko to the topic of spam.]
>
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>
>Date: Fri, 6 Sep 1996 12:49:29 -0400
>From: darius@world.std.com (Darius Thabit)
>
>----------------------------------------------------------------
>
> PLEASE FORWARD/POST AS APPROPRIATE
>
>================================================================
>The mini-Annals of Improbable Research ("mini-AIR")
>Issue Number 1996-08
>August, 1996
>ISSN 1076-500X
>Key words: improbable research, science humor, Ig Nobel, AIR, the
>----------------------------------------------------------------
>A free newsletter of tidbits too tiny to fit in
> The Annals of Improbable Research (AIR),
> the journal of inflated research and personalities
>================================================================
>
>-----------------------------
>1996-08-01 TABLE OF CONTENTS
>
>1996-08-01 Table of Contents
>1996-08-02 micro mini housekeeping
>1996-08-03 Alluring Abstracts from AIR 2:5
>1996-08-04 Scientists in the Sunset
>1996-08-05 AIR Vents: Re Romance
>1996-08-06 Scientific Correctness Survey -- Continued
>1996-08-07 Net Abuse: Announcing Project Whacko
>1996-08-08 Ig Nobel Tickets, Telecast, and Cockroach Opera
>1996-08-09 Seeking Strange Skills
>1996-08-10 AIRhead Project 2000
>1996-08-11 Numerical Setback
>1996-08-12 May We Recommend...
>1996-08-13 AIRhead Events
>1996-08-14 How to Subscribe to AIR (*)
>1996-08-15 How to Receive mini-AIR, etc. (*)
>1996-08-16 Our Address (*)
>1996-08-17 Please Forward/Post This Issue! (*)
>
> Items marked (*) are reprinted in every issue.
>
>
>----------------------------------------------------------
>1996-08-02 micro mini housekeeping
>
>Ig Nobel Tickets are now on sale. Details are below.
>
>
>----------------------------------------------------------
>1996-08-03 Alluring Abstracts from AIR 2:5
>
>AIR itself is a subversively educational print journal. The
>articles in AIR are longer, more visual, and more xeroxible than
>the tiny tidbits we publish in mini-AIR.
>
>Here are some abstracts of items in AIR vol. 2, no. 5, the
>September/October 1996 issue (our special Generic issue):
>
>"ET in the tongue of a long-nosed Bandicoot" (photomicrograph by
>Ken A Wright and Dave Spratt showing a ventral view of
>a_Capillaria_ specimen that resembles ET.
>
>"Scientific Dining: The Scripps Research Institute Cafeteria," by
>Steven Drew. Review of the the famed research institute cateteria.
>[NOTE: as with all our other cafeteria reviews, portions are or
>will be posted on our web site.]
>
>"Periodic Table of the Presidents," by Tobias Click. A full table
>plus special explanatory notes. [This , too, is or will be posted
>on the AIR web site.]
>
>"Lawsuit, Schmawsuit," by Alex Kozinzki and Eugene Volokh. A
>scholarly examination of the use of Yiddish in legal US decisions.
>
>And much, much more...
>
>Full text and illustrations of these -- and many other -- articles
>and citations appear in the Sept/Oct AIR. As always, we
>bewilderingly bewitch and bother you to subscribe.
>
>
>-------------------------------------------------------------
>1996-08-04 Scientists in the Sunset
>
>Our siren song of scientific romance has yielded some raw data.
>Last month we issued a call for all documented sightings of
>physicists (of any sex) galloping off into the sunset with a
>beautiful woman. This was in response to physicist Leon Lederman's
>lament:'Scientists fall in love.But when was the last time you saw
>a physicist on TV galloping off into the sunset with a beautiful
>woman?'"
>
>Many readers sent us reports. Thank you one and all. Here is a
>partial summary.
>
>"Back to the future III" -- The good doctor Emmet Brown (physics)
>comes back from the 19th century on his Verne-esque steam-driven
>time machine with his beautiful wife and their two kids. After
>saying hi to their friend, the hero of the story, they fly off to
>have more adventures in time. [and see below for a different
>interpretation]
>
>"The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai: across the 8th dimension" --
>Doctor Buckaroo Banzai (both physics and MD) and his team
>(including the doctor's girlfriend) triumphantly march off during
>the end titles after defeating the evil red 'lectroids from
>dimension 8.
>
>"Chain Reaction"-- Dr. Lily, the physicist, and Eddie the
>machinist/wunderkind ride off together in an FBI helicopter,
>having won out over the machinations of the evil corporate CIA
>spin-off....and the doctor is even a Babe With An Accent...
>
>"This Island Earth" -- The physicist gets the girl. Pretty much
>all the men in this movie are physicists.
>
>"Real Genius" -- Lazlo Hollyfield gallops off to Utah with a
>blonde who might be named Gina, but probably not. (The movie stars
>Val Kilmer as a senior in physics at "Pacific Tech," i.e.
>CalTech.)
>
>"The Love Boat" -- In one episode, an astrophysicist (who was a
>woman) fell in love with a handsome man. She was blond, and
>pretended to be dumb to attract him because she thought he'd be
>frightened off by a smart woman. In the end, it all worked out
>beautifully. There may or may not have been a sunset, but there
>were certainly romantic evenings by moonlight.
>
>Also:
>"Tron"
>"Creator"
>"That recent movie about someone who worked with Einstein"
>"Short Circuit
>"The Nutty Professor" and/or remake (perhaps)
>"The Abyss" (female scientist)
>"Independence Day" (if Jeff Goldblum is a scientist)
>"Altered States"
>"Outbreak"
>
>We will present a further list next time.
>
>(Special thanks to Otto J. Makela, Mike Russell, S. Torpey, John
>Dudley, Randell Jesup, Mary Ann Walker, Brad Starkie, Bill Rock,
>Alex Pollex, Steve Mirsky, and Kellie Flanagan, for providing
>especially salient details.)
>
>
>-----------------------------------------------------------
>1996-08-05 AIR Vents: Re Romance
>
>Here are further exhalations from our readers concerning the
>scientists in the sunset sightings.
>
>Investigator Naomi Diesendruck:
>Well, my father is a physicist (retired) and my mother was quite
>a beautiful woman in her youth (not bad at 75, either), however,
>I have no evidence that they ever galloped anywhere, into the
>sunset or otherwise. I'll let you know if I find out for sure.
>
>Investigator E. Spamer:
>If you are interested, somewhere I have a picture of me astride a
>mule (sans femme).
>
>Investigator Timothy H. Wille:
>In 'Back to the Future III' at the very end, you see physicist Doc
>Emmet Brown fly away in this adapted flying time-travelling
>locomotive (...) with a southern Belle. Okay, so it's a
>locomotive, but they call that an 'iron horse' so leave me alone.
>
>Investigator Chase Tingley:
>The closest I've heard of is a couple of sightings of math
>professor K. Khuri-Makdisi walking around with a beautiful blond
>woman. I never saw her, but a couple of people in Makdisi's math
>25 class last year told me that once the sightings began, the
>problem sets began to get easier....
>
>Investigator Mark von Bibra:
>I personally know of a male physicist who takes regular
>horseriding lessons, just so he can be with a beautiful woman
>zoologist. She's rather shy, and the only way she knows how to get
>his attention is by childish tricks, in much the same way as a
>schoolboy will throw stones at a girl he likes. He sees through
>this, however, and takes her pranks patiently. He is smitten by
>her lovely English accent, which he tries to mimick, and her
>carefully hidden vulnerability, which matches his own. They have
>ridden against the sunset on a few occasions, but are yet to ride
>off _into_ it.
>
>
>-----------------------------------------------------------
>1996-08-06 Scientific Correctness Survey -- Continued
>
>Results are pouring in for our scientific correctness survey. A
>summary will appear in the next issue of AIR. For the sake of
>something or other, here are the basics of the survey (see AIR
>1996-07 for full details):
>
>Once again it is time to vote on "scientifical correctness" and
>help the scientific community decide which side of various issues
>it should accept as "correct".
>Please check only one:
>
>___Dinosaurs and man walked together millions of years ago.
>___Dinosaurs and man walked together less than 10,000 years ago.
>___Dinosaurs and man walked together, but it was purely platonic.
>___Dinosaurs became extinct before the first humans existed.
>___Humans became extinct before the first dinosuars existed.
>
>
>-------------------------------------------------------------
>1996-08-07 Net Abuse: Announcing Project Whacko
>
>During the past two weeks, we have received a surge of unsolicited
>e-junkmail. Much of it comes from banditos who use faked sending
>addresses that are difficult to trace. Inspired by Nobel Laureate
>Roal Hoffman's theories of junk mail (see AIR 1:6 for full details
>mini-AIR 1995-11-06 for excerpts), we announce the creation of
>Project Whacko.
>
>Project Whacko is an ongoing research effort to induce electronic
>junkmailers to whack themselves out of existence. We invite you to
>send us simple schemes to help the e-vermin eliminate themselves.
>We will publish and disseminate the best of these techniques.
>
>Here are the principles of Project Whacko:
>
>1. The goal of Project Whacko is to prune the population of
>indiscriminate electronic junkmailers.
>
>2. Project Whacko schemes will use judo/jujitsu principles
>redirect the e-junkmailers own evil actions back toward the putrid
>perpetrators.
>
>3. Project Whacko schemes will themselves never involve the
>sending of indicriminate e-junkmail.
>
>Please send your responsible Project Whacko scheme to
><bourbaki@neu.edu>
>
>
>-----------------------------------------------------------
>1996-08-08 Ig Nobel Tickets, Telecast, and Cockroach Opera
>
>Tickets are now on sale for this year's Ig Nobel Prize Ceremony,
>which will take place on Thursday, October 3 at Harvard
>University's Sanders Theater. As the event sells out every year,
>we advise getting your tickets now while you can. If you can
>figure out a way to get them later when you can't, more power to
>you.
>
>TICKETS for individuals are available ONLY from the Sanders
>Theater Ticket office (phone 617-496-2222 TTY:617-495-1642).
>
>DELEGATIONS: You and your colleagues can attend the 1996 Ig Nobel
>Prize Ceremony as an OFFICIAL DELEGATION (a marching group of 4-12
>people). For details, get in touch with Ed (eaj@mit.edu or 617-
>253-5030). Back-up contacts are Margaret Ann (mag@mit.edu or 617-
>253-0217) or Dee (deedc@mit.edu or 617-253-5543) All delegation
>applications MUST be received by September 20.
> * * *
>LIVE TELECAST: The Ig will also be telecast live on the Internet,
>using two (or possibly three) modes of transmision. If you intend
>to watch, -- and especially IF YOU WANT TO HOST AN IG VIEWING
>PARTY -- please see our web site for details of how to do it.
>(Partial details are there now -- full details will be posted by late
>September).
> * * *
>OPERA: The them of this year's ceremony will be "Biodiversity."
>One of the highlights will be the world premiere of "Lament Del
>Cockroach," a mini-opera for Nobel Laureates and Mezzo-Sopranos.
>
>
>-------------------------------------------------------------
>1996-08-09 Seeking Strange Skills
>
>The Ig Nobel Steering and Shock Absorber Committee is searching
>for a few brave, strong, emotionally stable volunteers to help
>with exotic aspects of the ceremony. If you are in the Cambridge
>area and would like to help in one of these areas, please track us
>down. The areas are:
>
> * Shepherding, and in some cases housing, the Ig and Nobel
> Laureates, etc. on their perilous journey to the ceremony
> (One specific example: Jim Knowlton, who in 1992 won an
> Ig Nobel Prize in Art for his poster "Penises of the
> Animal Kingdom," is in need of a place to sleep for
> several evenings the week of the cermony)
> * Organizing the reception for cast and press
> * Helping with public and private relations, both before
> and during the ceremony
> * * *
>IGBILL: We will publish an attractive, if unique, printed program
>(aka "IgBill") for the ceremony. How will that be possible, you
>ask. Here's how. If you have mesmeric influence with appropiate
>bigshots, please urge them to take out ads in that remarkable and
>soon-to-be-historic document. Future generations will be grateful.
>
>
>-------------------------------------------------------------
>1996-08-10 AIRhead Project 2000
>
>As announced in mini-AIR 1994-02-03 (June, 1994), we are compiling
>a list of everything that has 2000 as part of its name.
>The following items were randomly selected:
>
>ITEM W-490 (submitted by investigator Vance Elderkin)
>"Whisper 2000," a device that lets you hear a whisper across the
>room.
>
>ITEM #NOCAFFEINE-96 (submitted by investigator Richard Burnham)
>"Twintron Electronic Retailer 2000," a very poor coffee machine
>(according to investigator Burnham).
>
>ITEM #BUFF-7 (submitted by investigator Debi Dalio)
>"Lifeline Off the Wall Gym 2000," a wall-mounted exercise unit.
>
>
>-------------------------------------------------------------
>1996-08-11 Numerical Setback
>
>Investigator Paul Bogrow reports sad news:
>
>I am distraught to bring you news that AIRhead Project 2000 has
>met with a crushing reversal, according to a front-page article in
>the "Computer Reseller News" (a publication of CMP Media Inc.)
>issue of August 12 entitled:
> ORACLE RALLIES AROUND NT, DISSOLVES WORKGROUP/2000
>The report says that:
> Oracle Corp. is dissolving its Workgroup/2000 division and
> product family and instead will focus its low-end product
> and channel efforts around a Windows NT solutions group,
> company executives said.... In addition, the head of the
> Workgroup/2000 group, Marc Benioff, is being reassigned to a
> corporate marketing position.
>I would have given anything not to be the bearer of such bad news.
>
>
>-----------------------------------------------------------
>1996-08-12 May We Recommend...
>
>Research reports that merit a trip to the library.
>(These items are additional to the many which appear in AIR
>itself.)
>
>"Leg-Crossing - Incidence and Inheritance," M. Reiss, "Throat,"
>vol. 32, no. 6, 1994, pp. 747-50. (Thanks to John Bell for
>bringing this to our attention.) The abstract reads in part:
> "Leg-crossing refers to the preferential tendency for
> individuals to sit with one leg crossed over the other.
> In this study about 62% of the population are right leg-\
> crossers, 26% are left leg-crossers, and the remaining
> 12% report that they have no preference or are indifferent.
> Familial data suggest that leg-crossing may be under
> genetic control."
>
>"The self/nonself discrimination: reconstructing a cabbage from
>sauerkraut," M. Cohn, "Research in Immunology, " vol. 143, no. 3,
>Mar-Apr 1992, pp. 323-34. (Thanks to Chana Lajcher for bringing
>this to our attention.)
>
>"Size matters when three-spined sticklebacks go to school," E.
>Ranta, K. Lindstrom and M. Peuhkuri, "Animal Behaviour," vol. 43,
>no. 1, 1992, p. 160 ff. (Thanks to Wendy Cooper for bringing this
>to our attention.)
>
>
>------------------------------------------------------------
>1996-08-13 AIRhead Events
>
>==> Updates of this schedule are available from info@improb.com
> Want to host an event? E-mail to marca@wilson.harvard.edu
>
>MBL/BUMP, WOODS HOLE Wed, Sep 4
>Seminar on Improbable Research and the Ig Nobel Prizes. All
>welcome. For info: Rainer Voigt <voigt@bio.bu.edu>
>
>KERA 90.1 PUBLIC RADIO, DALLAS Thurs Sept 5
>Interview with one or more of AIR's editors. 1 pm.
>
>1996 IG NOBEL PRIZE CEREMONY, Harvard University Thurs Oct 3
>Tickets for delegations and for individuals are now on sale (see above)
>
>NORTHEAST ASSN FOR INSTITUTIONAL RESEARCH (NAIR) Sun, Nov 17
>Princeton, NJ. For info: Brenda Bretz (bretz@dickinson.edu)
>717-245-1316
>
>AMERICAN ASSOCIATION FOR THE ADVANCEMENT OF SCIENCE (AAAS)
>ANNUAL MEETING, SEATTLE Mon. Feb. 17, '97
>Special session on "Improbable Research and the Ig Nobel Prizes."
>
>
>----------------------------------------------------------------
>1996-08-14 How to Subscribe to AIR (*)
>
>The Annals of Improbable Research (AIR) is a magnificent bi-
>monthly print journal.
>(What you have been reading in mini-AIR are little bits of
>overflow material that we couldn't fit into the magazine.)
>Here's how to subscribe to the real thing!
>
>Rates (in US dollars)
>USA 1 year - $23 2 years - $39
>Canada/Mexico 1 year - $27 2 years - $45
>Overseas 1 year - $40 2 years - $70
>
> [Copies of back issues are each $8 in the US,
> $11 in Canada/Mexico, $16 overseas.]
>
>Send payment (US bank check, or international money order, or
>Visa, Mastercard or Discover cards) to:
> The Annals of Improbable Research (AIR)
> PO Box 380853, Cambridge, MA 02238 USA
> 617-491-4437 FAX: 617-661-0927
> air@improb.com
>
>
>-----------------------------------------------------
>1996-08-15 How to Receive mini-AIR, etc. (*)
>
>What you are reading right now is mini-AIR. It is NOT a tiny
>version of AIR -- rather, it is overflow from the real magazine.
>To subscribe, send a brief E-mail message to:
> LISTPROC@AIR.HARVARD.EDU
>The body of your message should contain ONLY the words
> SUBSCRIBE MINI-AIR MARIE CURIE
>(You may substitute your own name for that of Madame Curie.)
> ----------------------------
>To stop subscribing, send the following message: SIGNOFF MINI-AIR
>To obtain a list of back issues, send this message: INDEX MINI-AIR
>To retrieve a particular back issue, send a message specifying
>which issue you want. For example, to retrieve the issue dated
>950706, send this message: GET MINI-AIR MINI-AIR.950706
>
>
>-----------------------------------------------------
>1996-08-16 Our Address (*)
>
>The Annals of Improbable Research (AIR)
>PO Box 380853, Cambridge, MA 02238 USA
>617-491-4437 FAX:617-661-0927
>
>EDITORIAL: marca@wilson.harvard.edu
>GENERAL INFO (supplied automatically): info@improb.com
>SUBSCRIPTIONS: air@improb.com
>
>WORLD WIDE WEB: http://www.improb.com/
>
>We read everything we receive, but are unable to answer all of it.
>If you need a reply, please include your Internet address and/or a
>SASE in all printed correspondence.
>
>>From time to time AIRhead news reports and commentary appear on
>ABC Television's "World News Now" and Public Radio's "Living on
>Earth."
>
>ELSEWHERE ON THE NET:
> * USENET:
> a weekly column appears in clari.tw.columns.imprb_research
> * AOL: Special extracts are available. Goto keyword "IMPROB"
>
>
>---------------------------
>1996-08-17 Please Forward/Post This Issue! (*)
>
>Please distribute copies of mini-AIR (or excerpts!) wherever
>appropriate. The only limitations are:
>A) Please indicate that the material comes from mini-AIR.
>B) You may NOT distribute mini-AIR for commercial purposes.
>
>------------------------------------------------------------
>(c) copyright 1996, The Annals of Improbable Research
>------------------------------------------------------------
>
>-------------
>mini-AIRheads
>-------------
>EDITOR: Marc Abrahams (marca@wilson.harvard.edu)
>WWW EDITOR/GLOBAL VILLAGE IDIOT: Amy Gorin
>(ringo@leland.stanford.edu) http:/www.improb.com/
>COMMUTATIVE EDITOR: Stanley Eigen (eigen@neu.edu)
>ASSOCIATIVE EDITOR: Mark Dionne
>CHIEF RESEARCH LIBRARIAN: Michael Rissinger
>INTERN: Anne Lewis
>CO-CONSPIRATORS: Gary Dryfoos, Craig Haggart, Greg Kinney, Deb
>Kreuze, Nicki Sorel, Mark Taylor
>MAITRE DE COMPUTATION: Jerry Lotto
>AUTHORITY FIGURES: Nobel Laureates Dudley Herschbach, Sheldon
>Glashow, William Lipscomb, Richard Roberts
>============================================================
>
>